Reproductive Decommissioning

I got the news this morning.  A full reproductive decommissioning.  It has been coming for a long time.  Perhaps since I was 8 when the system began working prematurely and overactively.  I think at 9 I was ready for this moment, but thanks be to God that this system ...this miraculous system that's ability to function overwhelms the 10 or so percent of the brain that I use........this system allowed for my husband and I to give life to two amazing human beings. How can anyone deny the uncreated creator, in the face of the miracle of reproduction....

But it comes to an end on July 8.  There is relief and trepidation with this.  The notion of major surgery just a year after my last, is little overwhelming.  However, whether it is naive or misguided, I feel that this is the beginning of the next great chapter of my life.  Of course it could be me assigning my ambivalent emotions from being  at several crossroads at once. Maybe I am being tooled up for the next thing, at least that is my optimistic interpretation and anticipated relief talking.

How does one birth a new thing.  Some folks think you need the perspective of many years of experience to start something new.  I have a sense that may not be the case.  I am a product of following folks who have lead for years.  I have been fed but left with a longing.  I have searched outside our "walls" and found other ways that offer sustenance differently that nourish more thoroughly or at least differently.  If 80 % of our State is not coming for sustenance from within a church, how do we learn the lessons of how to feed, if we are looking at the ways of the 20% who are not reaching or feeding all.  Perhaps removing the old equipment and the old way of giving life, is the pathway to a new way of giving life.