Two Roads Diverged

Two Roads Diverged in a yellow wood

and sorry I could not travel both

and be one travelor

long I stood

and looked down one as far as I could

to where it bent in the undergrowth.......

These words by Robert Frost are forever etched in my memory. As freshmen in an excellent school system, Nancy Shaw, my 9th grade English teacher made us memorize this poem. I am so indebted to her! I still remember most of the poem and certainly this opening stanza. This stanza is a work of pure genius because it represents the human condition to a tee! I have found myself reflecting on it often throughout my life years after leaving high school.

I thought about it my senior year of college when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and decided to leave behind my dreams of grad school for a job with health benefits. I thought about it after a few stormy relationships in early adulthood and a come to Jesus discussion initiated by a wonderful friend. I thought about it when I contemplated a long and rich career in the Federal Government in WDC versus exploration and adventure in other areas of the country. I am thinking about it now as I contemplate graduating from seminary and thinking about a new church start rather than ordained ministry as it is currently understood.

There are many years between some of these contemplations. I substituted contingencies for contemplations when my disease became more challenging than I could manage without a great deal of medicine or scientific intervention. I thank the Rev. Bob Molsberry for helping me to revisit my life in handicapdom. Blindsided by Grace, is a wonderful book about his struggle through accident and adaption to life in a wheelchair. I had the good graces of meeting him at the New Church Leadership Institute in Atlanta. I happened to mention to him that I still feel uncomfortable when I see someone in a wheelchair, ever since I was diagnosed with MS. Grace indeed set in and a wonderful discussion ensued. And then of course I read his book.

Grace happens everyday in my life. My messy, broken, sometimes weak, sometimes tingly life. Sometimes the right side of my body refuses to work in concert with the left. Sometimes I am so confused, I cant remember my daughters names. Sometimes I wish I was all okay again so I could get up and go to work like the mover and shaker that I used to be and fulfill my public service in the Federal Government.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

And sorry I could not travel both

and be one traveler

long I stood

and looked down one

as far as I could

til where it bent in the undergrowth.....

I guess I am still sorry and angry I cant travel both.

Even though I am sure that there is so much goodness that comes out of my contingency. God has carried me and I have been mightily thankful, but part of me wants to look down one as far as I can and see what might have been. How do I let go...really let go?

Maybe that is why I moved back to my hometown with my family. Maybe I have to re-shape what it means to hear and fulfill one's call. Not in a perfect sort of way...but on the path or road that you are given....that may be my call, my road. There should be a place for everyone to find purpose and meaning despite what comes their way....perhaps that is the road I am taking.

Acts on Ordination

My conclusion to a paper about Ordination. Would love comments on this one.

The purpose of this paper was to discern the specific meaning of and intention for the word ordination by the author of Acts. The addition of examining the MOM’s interpretation of meaning and intention for ordination was an afterthought inspired by my own journey and my recent attendance of a New Church Leadership Institute in Atlanta. I realize that the UCC has a great distance to go to marry up their vision of being a church for welcoming folks “wherever they are on life’s journey”, with UCC polity on ordination. Perhaps God’s call to me is to simply illuminate that distance. Ordination is how the Holy Spirit calls someone to contextualize the meaning of a living God in their own specific setting. If we as a denomination limit who may be called to ordained service by virtue of the exclusions mentioned and the many that have not been, we exclude the next generation of Paul/Paula from spreading the good news in a language and context that brings God alive for them. We will have kept God in a box for ourselves and lost site of the Great Commission.

emerging call

Its been a while. I have given over to the blessing or curse of everyday mayhem that motherhood, or should I just say life, stirs into my mix. It has been a while since I have posted and I realize I have not posted much specifically about my emerging church and my emerging call. I think that is because I am not particularly bloggified or bloggifiable yet.....and it has become easy for me to express my call to something non-traditional, and yet hard to articulate what that something is. Being an external processor, I find I need to talk idea out loud and then refine them based on conversations, corrections or revisioning that happens.

Sooooo.. Here is where I am today. HOPEMEUCC ..Hands of Peace Extended. A progressive Christian Church without walls that seeks to form Christian Community in new ways and places. Joyfully following an incarnate God, we see to identify the presence of God around us and in others.

We meet 4x a month in different places for different purposes. Our first meeting of the month will be a celebratory meal with music, bible study and discussion. It probably wont be church music as most know it, but a mix of jazz, blues, folk, rock from whatever live artists we can invite to our meal. Different and differing voices will read the text and discussion will be opened up to all to discern the voice of the Divine.

The second meeting of the month will be "it's all about us" and will have the elements of reading the Scripture and talking about the UCC identity and how we are living it out or at least how we want to be living it out. This meeting will continuously explore the Church identity alongside our Christian identity.

The third meeting of the month will be "and now for something totally different". This meeting will focus on our Christian text and then on ecumenical and interfaith understandings of our faith. We recognize that our own context is that of being Christian, but seek to discover God's meaning for our lives as Christians in a multicultural and changing world. We will draw on other faith leaders to educate us and dialogue with us to enhance all of our understandings and to expand our knowledge of and faith in a living God.

The fourth meeting of the month will be "Jesus has left the building." We will do mission on this meeting in a variety of forms and forums. We may work on a habitat for humanity home, or serve dinner at a soup kitchen. We may learn about green energy opportunities in our community or what is going on with local food cooperatives, or how to interface with local seniors with special needs. The fourth meeting will be about getting out, looking for Christ in our midst as well as being representatives of the incarnational God in our communities.

If the month happens to have a fifth Sunday, my exhortation will be to go explore elsewhere so that we remain in touch with what else is happening in church communities and so we can share our story.

THOUGHTS PLEASE??????!!!!!!

New Church Start, cont.

Pray for protection, persistence and fruit. That's what one book about starting a new church gives as first advice. It also says the first team to recruit is a prayer circle to pray for these things constantly and ceasingly for this effort. Being a progressive Christian who isn't always open or comfortable with the spiritual, that advice made me flinch.

And second of all...what is the fruit I seek? I am visioning a church that is radically open, radically inclusive, that is not only open to all that will place people next to one another who normally wouldn't find each other close by. For mission projects, for coffee, for a meal.......to talk about how they experience God. It doesn't require a building. Maybe some lawn chairs or a campus or a work site.

My experience of society is that people become so dogmatic and niched in their comfort zones that they forget that the creative energy that we call God is found in the diverse expressions of all of humanity. We are to love our neighbors as ourselves.......The church I am visioning asks the question...do we need to seek out some new neighbors?

A Day at the Beach

With all this Discerning...With all this surgery...With all this family organization, my mother recently reminded me that I stopped having fun with my life. I remembered internally rolling my eyes..and yet when a friend of mine called today and said, we have to go the beach today it may be the only beach day this week....I hesitated. I haven't been to the beach all summer. It's mid-July. I hesitated. When did I get old?

So, I cleared the schedule and said..oh yeah...we are there. I called my mom to see if she wanted to come. She did. We packed minimally, picked up mom and friend...and headed to beach. I still cant carry much, but everyone was willing. Once my chair was set up and the sunblock applied, I sat in my chair and stuck my feet way into the sand. The kids had to go into the ocean at once. I was so happy to see it and sad that I can;t yet submerge.

I give thanks to God. The smell of the ocean. The sound of the birds. Little kids running around, gleefully. The smell of coconut sunblock. Salty fragrance stinging my nose. Waves crashing, wind blowing, peace settling in my soul. I FORGOT! How peace settles in someone's soul from the sensual. Wind Blowing, waves crashing. Salty fragrance stinging my nose. The smell of coconut sunblock. Little kids running around gleefully. The sound of birds. The smell of ocean. I GIVE THANKS TO GOD.

Bathed in Dog/God

Perhaps its a little irreverent to mix this metaphor, but I oversaw a very Holy experience today! My husband, for whom I will designate P1, and the pianist, my oldest daughter, were bound and determined that this was to be the day. Bailey has had an ear infection and has stinky ears. And due to my recent surgery and planning forgetfulness, I had forgotten to give her Frontline and found an engorged tick on her. So we all decided that was the last straw between her and a bath. I am on light duty and giving the dog a bath is in no way light duty....or so I used to think.

Bailey, at two years old, has only recently begun to enjoy swimming. Ponds, rivers and ocean beware....she will lunge at any body of water now with great enthusiasm. So when we lined the bathroom with towels, started filling the tub with cool water, taking out the dog shampoo and dog brushes; rather than run as far away from the bathroom as possible, she curiously stayed close to the tub. The pianist was braced for a fight. I told her, time to get Dad, I can go no further with this activity. All of a sudden, Bailey stepped right into the tub and sat down. We gushed praise all over her and laughed about it. We called for P1 and shared the story with him while he came in to take over the heavy duty.

I'd like to think that the naturally refreshing baths and water time we have had with Bailey, this loving time between humans and dog...has created trust and she no longer fears what may come at our hands. That is one possibility. The other is that she now loves water and all of it's manifestations and can't wait to get wet. As I observed her patience at the hands of P1 and pianist, I marveled at the blessing we have in this good natured, now clean canine. For about 20 minutes today she had 3 of our complete attentions at the same time and maybe that was the real reason she sat patiently in the tub.

If St. Augustine was right....and I can't really be sure of that for many reasons...humans have a built in longing for God. That is part of his apologetic for why there must be God. For those of us fortunate to live in peace and relative prosperity, believing in God; bathing in God becomes a refreshing and splendid experience. Even when potholes form after long cold winters, we become patient for strength and fortitude to withstand; and for fill to smooth the bumps. Us modern day Christians or should I say post-modern day Christians forget that being a little uncomfortable with what is going on for us is okay...as long as we remember that we always have our Creator's full attention and loving will working for all of our best interests.

Reproductive Decommissioning, part 2

I am now on the other side of this event! :-) Besides feeling a little sore between occasional hot flashes, I feel like a different person. A great deal of anxiety is gone. I feel compelled to do nothing. Perhaps with this slowing down and removal of angst, God's Will will fill the space of womb and creation....

Right now and am in awe of the summer that is beginning!